It’s hard

No matter what age you are. Life is always going to be hard, in many different ways.
I’m going thru a hard time myself right now and to someone else it may not even seem that bad,  but to me it feels like my world is falling apart. I no its something I will get over. Eventually.
But I no its not something I will forget. 
2 months ago I got dumped.  I got dumped by the only guy I was ever in love with.  And it was all my fault,  or so he says. I wish I could have done something to stop this, but the thing is I don’t really no what I done. 
We was in love. He says he still loves me. But a while before we broke up I lost it. I became needy and annoying,  I said mean things to him and he couldn’t take it. He says I ruined us but the truth is I was just so scared of losing him that I ended up pushing him. It’s the first time I was ever like that and he ran away.
He wants me in his life, but I don’t no if I can have him in mine.  I’m in love with him, I fell head over heels for him, I jumped into the deep end and now I’m drowning. I cry every night because the pain is unbearable. 
No one ever warned us about this part of love. No one ever told us how much it’s going to hurt. I can’t move on and a part of me don’t want to move on. I see myself being with him and only him. The thought of finding someone new and having to find out all the little things about them, it’s hard.

I’ve spent everyday and every night fighting myself. My thoughts on overload trying to figure where it all went wrong. I can’t continue this way, it’s going to drive me mad.

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