Hard to speak

It’s always hard to open up to someone. It’s even harder opening up to someone about your haunted past.

‘It’s ruining our relationship’

He is not wrong.  I wish I could sit down and talk about it but I can’t. I choke.

It’s been 3 years since, but it feels like yesterday. I see everything so clearly in my mind. When I close my eyes I see his face and I panic. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.

When I think about it, I panic. I freak. I feel like I’m losing my mind all over again. I never faced my problem, I just pushed it away. Where I thought it wouldn’t hurt me no more.

To be betrayed and abused in a relationship is the hardest thing to figure out. I spent days and nights trying to figure out why, the truth is that there is no why.

I became a monster to protect myself from any repetition, along the way I’ve become the devil. I’ve become just like him.

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