Things I will never say

“I can’t speak about it. Not how you want me to. I could sit here and figure out what to sat to you, but once I’m in front of you, I choke. No words will come out. Not just about this, about everything, about any sort of feelings I have. I know that’s not good, and I no it makes things harder and I’ve tried so many times to open up to people and the truth is its hard. It’s hard to put that much trust into someone. I’m not saying that I don’t trust you, but it don’t mean that I do fully. I’m not a horrible person, and I know I’ve been horrible to you and I wish I wasn’t. I don’t want to be so weak and vulnerable  in front of you, I don’t want to have to depend on you to keep me up.  I feel if I open up to you that I’m leaning on you as a support. When I need to be able to support myself. “

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