No words 

I don’t want to be the vulnerable one again, but I am. 

I feel so small. I wish I could communicate with people  but I can’t, the words get stuck in my throat and I choke.

‘Tell me how you feel’ 

‘Tell me what you are thinking’ 

I switch off. Totally. My mind goes blank. Completely blank. I don’t know what to say or how I am feeling. It’s awful what happens.  Now I sit here alone and I know exactly what to say and how to say it.  I can replay it In my head a thousand times. When I’m in front of him. I’m off. 

I hate It , I hate it more than you can imagine.  He hates it and I want to change how I am, I don’t want to lose him because of how stupid I am. I don’t want to push everyone close to me away because I can’t communicate.  

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