Screw up

I screwed up and it felt like my life was ending. 

Im too emotional lately, im feeling like I am drowning and I can’t move. I sometimes have very bad thoughts. 

‘What would it be like if I drove of this cliff’

‘What if I just let the waves take me away’ 

These thoughts worry me. When I get into this state I have the urge to just hurt myself in some way. To make it end. I know it isn’t normal, but I don’t know how to make it stop. I don’t know how to make the pain go away. 

I know that when I get in this state all my problems come back. All my past comes to haunt me and I am no longer in control. The little demon in my head opens all the doors and sits back and laughs while I drown. While I burn. 

I need to control it. I just don’t know how to.

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