Battlefield 

Work is really dragging me down. These people are really dragging me down. It’s like a battlefield that I am stuck in the middle off. 

How can people play games with other people. My emotions are all over the place.  I don’t know what to think, what to say, what to even believe. 

Yesterday we spoke my boss and I about the huge stupid mistake that I made. Her first reaction was to fire me. Can you believe it?!?! To fire me because of talking behind her back, in my eyes that is not a good enough excuse, especially when everyone else is doing exactly the same and actually worse. 

I am angry at myself but I am more angry at my ‘friend’ her first reaction when I told her that my boss wanted to talk was ‘don’t tell her the message was meant for me‘  what!? You want me to go down alone, no, I will not lie for you. As it worked out she already figured it out herself, I was not going to sit there and defend another especially when the other don’t give a flying fuck about me. 

Yes I take all the blame, of course, it was my fault. It don’t make it any easier. It don’t make me feel any less pissed off. I am furious at myself. I am furious that I allowed these bitches to control my thinking, to control me. I feel so hopeless, my job is hanging on a thin thread and I hate that more than anything. I hate being misjudged and branded as a nasty person, stupid yes I am, but nasty I will not accept. 

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