I wish I could just switch it all off. Turn my brain off and just have a moment silence.
I really don’t know what happens to me sometimes . . I freeze out from the world for a few days. It feels like my whole world is ending when it isn’t even close.
I have a family that loves me. I have my animals that are my life. I have a good job. I have everything I need and want. I have a boyfriend that I hold so close to my heart.
Yet I am still not fully happy. Not most days anyway.
I am a very good person to others but a horrible one to myself. I torture myself with thoughts of things that more than likely will not happen.
I’ve been hurt many times and I’ve always picked myself up again, it isn’t the pain that I’m scared of. It’s the recovery. I’ve hit the bottom and honestly I haven’t got back up yet, if I pretend everything is okay enough, surely it will be.
I know the worse thing I do is push people away. People get close and I push. I push them away before giving them too much of myself. I know I don’t trust, I know I don’t believe in people… but I am trying. Everyday I try so hard and some days I do well. Others I fail.