I feel so small sometimes. So invisible. So scared. So weak.
He don’t get it. I believe he never will get it. We have complete different thought tracks on the world, on everything. I wonder how we are together, how we even got this far.
I’ve never cared for a guy like this before and I understand why I get so upset and hurt when he says or does certain things. I wish I didn’t, I wish I could just ignore it or just take it like ‘whatever’ but I can’t. Instead I sit on it for days, thinking and thinking, ‘why?’
I don’t want to analysis everything he says and does. But it gets to me and eats at me for days. Sometimes longer.
It don’t help that I can’t speak. Everytime I open my mouth to explain, I choke on every word. When I finally find the courage to say something it comes out completely wrong.
I was better at this, I know I was stronger. I lost myself and I thought I found myself again, but I didn’t, I haven’t. I’m still lost. I try so hard to fix the pieces back again but my mind isn’t cclea enough to even see them.