I feel the days are running away from me. The time is skipping by and I can’t keep up. I’m juggling so many things and I keep dropping the ball.
My motivation has gone I have zero energy. Zero motivation. I don’t even want to move from my bed most mornings. Every little thing is irritating me and I can’t seem to really know exactly what it is.
I’m fed up with the world, with this life. But who am I to complain. I’m healthy, I’m loved and I am safe. Yet I feel like I have the worse life to exist. Feeling sorry for myself all the time. How dare I. I have no right to feel this way, I have no real serious problems , right ? So why do I, why do I feel like this.
I get so angry. I get so angry with my family. From the age of 11 all I have ever done is carry everyone’s problems. Coming home to screams and shouts. My brother breaking things. Police at the door. Just mess. I just had to carry it, as if it didn’t bother me. As if I wasn’t affected. How can it not affect me when I’m dealing with it too. How can it not make me angry, make me sad. I’m resentful of a lot of things. I just want to run away. Leave them all behind. I don’t need them. I don’t need anyone. I’m done with them all.
It’s great the day you realise you’re over that one guy you thought you never would get over.
The day he texts you and you think ‘what does he want’ rather than ‘omg he cares’.
That day came and my gosh it feels great. I no he always got in the way of new relationships because I wanted him and I loved him. So how was I supposed to love someone new. I thought I would never get over him but I have. Yes the memories are still there but it don’t hurt. It don’t hurt the way it used too. It feels good. It makes me so happy that I can talk to him without feeling any love or pain. I can even simply ignore him messages and not even care. I tryed so hard for him to love me and he couldn’t. I was holding onto a dead cause.
I’m happy the day came I can move on and be in love with someone who will love me back and I’ve never been happier.