I knew why I didn’t have friends. I knew why I didn’t do friends. Sometimes having no friends gets lonely.  I see people talk about their friends and how good they are with one another and I wonder why I never was able to find anyone as good as that. I long for a friendship a true real friendship. 

I only have the one friend, we have had our ups and downs and in a way we are opposite but I can trust her, as she can trust me. However we are miles apart, in complete different countries. So even though she is there for me, sometimes I need her to be right in front of me. 

As we get older it gets harder to find a good friend. You start to trust someone and then suddenly they show you what you don’t need in a ‘friend’ they betray you, use you, make you feel worthless. This isn’t a friend, this is a enemy. 

It’s a sad world we live in, where we are governed by age, sex, nationality, religion. It should not matter, we should stand in union no matter what. 

When I moved away 2 years ago, not one person kept in touch, I gave everything to everyone, I was there for them all but when I packed up and left, they couldn’t have cared less. Every single one of them. So now I don’t get close to people, there is no need, it saves you from pain and disappointment.  


Too many girlsĀ 

I could repeat myself always. The result is always the same. 

The problem he has is that he likes girls too much. Beautiful girls. All girls. 

I am with a guy who likes to admire the beauty of women. Which is very annoying, yes, but I have accepted that. 

He tells me how he would like to date a Russian lady because they are like models.

He stops operating when a beautiful lady passes him. 

He keeps pictures of other girls we work with on his phone because he likes the beauty. 

How does that make me feel ? Small. Worthless. Ugly. Like I am not good enough. Like I am there to pass to the time. That I do not even mean anything to him. 

So what is he doing ? Why be with someone when all you really want is to be with everyone else. I like him hell of a lot, I just wish he left me where he found me. I could deal with being his friend and him then leaving. Being my boyfriend and then leaving is much harder. The pain is much worse. I’ve already started to feel the pain, I have about 2 more months before he  leaves, but I’m already starting to pain.