It’s been 3 years since I last saw him.
Why do I keep seeing him. The resemblance is so canny. It’s like he is haunting me after all this time. Still..
My mind is playing games with me. Surely. I know these people are not him. In that split moment my heart sinks, my breathing stops and for a moment I’m frozen. As if it was him I just saw then realisation kicks in and I start to recompose myself.
I need it to stop.
I can guarantee that I am not effecting his life anymore but he still effects mine. My past ghosts won’t leave me alone. I try to banish them in my head but some days it is worse.
It’s always hard to open up to someone. It’s even harder opening up to someone about your haunted past.
‘It’s ruining our relationship’
He is not wrong. I wish I could sit down and talk about it but I can’t. I choke.
It’s been 3 years since, but it feels like yesterday. I see everything so clearly in my mind. When I close my eyes I see his face and I panic. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.
When I think about it, I panic. I freak. I feel like I’m losing my mind all over again. I never faced my problem, I just pushed it away. Where I thought it wouldn’t hurt me no more.
To be betrayed and abused in a relationship is the hardest thing to figure out. I spent days and nights trying to figure out why, the truth is that there is no why.
I became a monster to protect myself from any repetition, along the way I’ve become the devil. I’ve become just like him.