Am I crazy 

It’s been 3 years since I last saw him.

Why do I keep seeing him. The resemblance is so canny. It’s like he is haunting me after all this time.  Still.. 

My mind is playing games with me. Surely. I know these people are not him. In that split moment my heart sinks, my breathing stops and for a moment I’m frozen. As if it was him I just saw then realisation kicks in and I start to recompose myself. 

I need it to stop. 

I can guarantee that I am not effecting his life anymore but he still effects mine. My past ghosts won’t leave me alone.  I try to banish them in my head but some days it is worse. 

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Hard to speak

It’s always hard to open up to someone. It’s even harder opening up to someone about your haunted past.

‘It’s ruining our relationship’

He is not wrong.  I wish I could sit down and talk about it but I can’t. I choke.

It’s been 3 years since, but it feels like yesterday. I see everything so clearly in my mind. When I close my eyes I see his face and I panic. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.

When I think about it, I panic. I freak. I feel like I’m losing my mind all over again. I never faced my problem, I just pushed it away. Where I thought it wouldn’t hurt me no more.

To be betrayed and abused in a relationship is the hardest thing to figure out. I spent days and nights trying to figure out why, the truth is that there is no why.

I became a monster to protect myself from any repetition, along the way I’ve become the devil. I’ve become just like him.