Bye Bye Lover

I see the way you look at me, you don’t look at me with admiration or love, you look at me with lust. Your feelings for me are totally sexual so why do I continue to be drawn to you.

I have a guy that looks at me as if I am perfect, when clearly I am not. He looks at me as if I am the most beautiful girl he has ever set eyes on, so why do I want a guy that I know will never feel that way towards me.

Why am I attracted to the arse hole guy. The guy that knows what to say and what to do to get all the girls.

I love sweet guys, but this guy he is too sweet, too kind, too good and he deserves better, really he does. He deserves someones full attention and I have to let him go to find that.

I know how I feel, I know that I feel like he isn’t my boyfriend, I feel disconnected and maybe a little time needs to pass to feel that connection again, I don’t know, what I do know is that I have to let him go.

I have to walk away, even though I really don’t want to.I have to do the right thing, for the both of us. I need to feel free again. To clear my mind, to clear my soul. To love life again, to love me again.

I am lost and confused and I know I need to be alone at this time of my life, to just go and have fun, maybe get a little drunk, forget about guys.

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Relationships 

As I look around I see so many beautiful people, good people and they are single. And not only are they single but they are in there 30s and I wonder are they happy this way.

I always thought I would find ‘the one’ at a young age and we would stay together. I didn’t think I had to worry about time running out. Nowadays we are all too scared to commit. We want to live the single lifestyle. It comes to a point where that expires. 

For me I want children. I want a husband, a home. I want to be sure I’m with the right person, okay I guess you can never be 100% sure, but still. I want to know the guy for a while. In a few weeks I’m 23. I’m single. I have no potential partners anywhere. The guys I do meet don’t want relationships, they just want fun. Even the older ones. 

I know I’m young but that don’t stop me wanting more. I’ve always wanted relationships. Not just flings. I’m a committed to you kind of girl. So what I’m doing now with this ‘fuck buddy’  it isn’t me. It don’t suit me. I’ve got so lonely that I’m just going with it now, it’s going to take some time but eventually I think I will snap, I will get fed up of feeling used and it’s not his fault. It’s mine. I agreed to this, he isn’t forcing me. 

I just wish the time would slow down. 

Miss me 

I want you to miss me .. real bad. 

I want you to think about me at all times. I want you to wonder what I’m doing,how I am. I want you to talk about me and mention my name in every conversation. I want you to realise that you’ve lost me. I want you to feel like this was a mistake. I want you to come home,to me. I just want you back, us back to how we were.