How do you know 

I’ve been in a  few relationships and none have really lasted that long. The guys I have dated have been all very different. In looks, personality, even the feelings. 

I believe we love in many different ways. The obsessive love, friendship love, sexual love, but I believe there is only one true pure love. That one love that consists of all the other loves which makes it so special, and strong. 

I can say I have been in all types of love. If I compare my feelings for each guy I had a relationship with, I see the difference in all of them. I also see that they didn’t really mean that much either. 

How do you really know when you found the one? I don’t think you ever do. I don’t think we know much at all about love. Our world is so scared to express ourselves that we end up damaging one another. 

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 10monhs. That has been my longest relationship. Yet neither of us have dropped the ‘L’ word. I’m starting to wonder if the love even is there at all. I’m not even sure how love is supposed to feel. At one point in our relationship I felt I was on cloud 9 but lately that feeling hasn’t been there. Some days it reappears.

I love, love. Love conquers all. All I ever want in life is to be loved.  Truly loved. 

Friends 

I knew why I didn’t have friends. I knew why I didn’t do friends. Sometimes having no friends gets lonely.  I see people talk about their friends and how good they are with one another and I wonder why I never was able to find anyone as good as that. I long for a friendship a true real friendship. 

I only have the one friend, we have had our ups and downs and in a way we are opposite but I can trust her, as she can trust me. However we are miles apart, in complete different countries. So even though she is there for me, sometimes I need her to be right in front of me. 

As we get older it gets harder to find a good friend. You start to trust someone and then suddenly they show you what you don’t need in a ‘friend’ they betray you, use you, make you feel worthless. This isn’t a friend, this is a enemy. 

It’s a sad world we live in, where we are governed by age, sex, nationality, religion. It should not matter, we should stand in union no matter what. 

When I moved away 2 years ago, not one person kept in touch, I gave everything to everyone, I was there for them all but when I packed up and left, they couldn’t have cared less. Every single one of them. So now I don’t get close to people, there is no need, it saves you from pain and disappointment.  

Friendship

It’s always so hard to find a real friend. Someone who is there for you no matter what.

I’ve never managed to find a real friend.  I envy those that do. I wish I was able to find a true friend.

I blame myself, as always, for not finding a real friend. Maybe you need to be a friend to yourself before you’re a friend to others. To learn to sacrifice and accept fault.

I’ve met so many different people in my life and I’m sure too meet so many more.  Through all the people I have known, I have seen the same trait in all, we are selfish. Every single one of us have been customed to protect ourselves from the evil of the world. Doing so has caused us to be selfish, to stand back and to hold your hand out to help. 

I want to change that. Not the whole world, just mine. To change me, to put my hand out to help even if it gets slapped away.  I want to be the one to show people, or at least one person that there is still good in the world, to never give up looking.

White Lies – Mr Hudson

I suppose I was thinking about how nothing’s ever black n white in life.
Sometimes you’ve got to bend the rules you know? To get where you need to be.
And this is coming from a pretty straight forward shallow as a puddle fella.
Perhaps that’s why I find lying interesting.
Bcos I don’t indulge in it very often.
Any way, waffle over. Enjoy. Ben
White Lies

Lying, I still can’t find the truth.
So I spin another line on you
You can’t blame a fella for trying
I’m hoping, you eat my every word
Doesn’t it taste so good?
But deep inside I’m dying
Oh! I wanna word with you
If there’s never a perfect time
It’s time for another white lie
White lies, just another white lie
I did it to get close to you
And I will tell a million more
White lies, just another white lie
I do it to get close to you
And I will tell a million more white lies
One day, I know you’ll understand
That I didn’t really have much choice
I just had to hide it

Sometimes, good men do bad things
Just as bad men can do good
Tell me which way you like it
Oh! I wanna word with you
There’s never a perfect time
However much I try
Oh! Why don’t you sit yourself down?
Cause we gotta talk this through
It’s time for another white lie…
White lies, just a little white lie
I did it to get close to you
And I will tell a million more
White lies, just a little white lie
I do it to get close to you
And I will tell a million more white lies
Oh-oh, oh-oh
I was just playing girl, I was just playing by your rules
Oh-oh, oh-oh
Just another white lie and I’ll tell a million more
White lies…