Halsey- Sorry

This song just reminds me how I am not perfect, this song really hit me hard, made me realise that I am too busy moping about how everyone hurt me, but I didnt even take a moment to realise that I have also hurt people.
I’ve missed your calls for months it seems
Don’t realize how mean I can be
‘Cause I can sometimes treat the people
That I love like jewelry
‘Cause I can change my mind each day
I didn’t mean to try you on
But I still know your birthday
And your mother’s favorite song
So I’m sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry that I can’t believe that anybody ever really
Starts to fall in love with me
Sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry I could be so blind
Didn’t mean to leave you
And all of the things that we had behind
I run away when things are good
And never really understood
The way you laid your eyes on me
In ways that no one ever could
And so it seems I broke your heart
My ignorance has struck again
I failed to see it from the start
And tore you open ’til the end
And I’m sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry that I can’t believe that anybody ever really
Starts to fall in love with me
Sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry I could be so blind
Didn’t mean to leave you
And all of the things that we had behind
And someone will love you
But someone isn’t me

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How do you know 

I’ve been in a  few relationships and none have really lasted that long. The guys I have dated have been all very different. In looks, personality, even the feelings. 

I believe we love in many different ways. The obsessive love, friendship love, sexual love, but I believe there is only one true pure love. That one love that consists of all the other loves which makes it so special, and strong. 

I can say I have been in all types of love. If I compare my feelings for each guy I had a relationship with, I see the difference in all of them. I also see that they didn’t really mean that much either. 

How do you really know when you found the one? I don’t think you ever do. I don’t think we know much at all about love. Our world is so scared to express ourselves that we end up damaging one another. 

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 10monhs. That has been my longest relationship. Yet neither of us have dropped the ‘L’ word. I’m starting to wonder if the love even is there at all. I’m not even sure how love is supposed to feel. At one point in our relationship I felt I was on cloud 9 but lately that feeling hasn’t been there. Some days it reappears.

I love, love. Love conquers all. All I ever want in life is to be loved.  Truly loved. 

Friends 

I knew why I didn’t have friends. I knew why I didn’t do friends. Sometimes having no friends gets lonely.  I see people talk about their friends and how good they are with one another and I wonder why I never was able to find anyone as good as that. I long for a friendship a true real friendship. 

I only have the one friend, we have had our ups and downs and in a way we are opposite but I can trust her, as she can trust me. However we are miles apart, in complete different countries. So even though she is there for me, sometimes I need her to be right in front of me. 

As we get older it gets harder to find a good friend. You start to trust someone and then suddenly they show you what you don’t need in a ‘friend’ they betray you, use you, make you feel worthless. This isn’t a friend, this is a enemy. 

It’s a sad world we live in, where we are governed by age, sex, nationality, religion. It should not matter, we should stand in union no matter what. 

When I moved away 2 years ago, not one person kept in touch, I gave everything to everyone, I was there for them all but when I packed up and left, they couldn’t have cared less. Every single one of them. So now I don’t get close to people, there is no need, it saves you from pain and disappointment.  

Friendship

It’s always so hard to find a real friend. Someone who is there for you no matter what.

I’ve never managed to find a real friend.  I envy those that do. I wish I was able to find a true friend.

I blame myself, as always, for not finding a real friend. Maybe you need to be a friend to yourself before you’re a friend to others. To learn to sacrifice and accept fault.

I’ve met so many different people in my life and I’m sure too meet so many more.  Through all the people I have known, I have seen the same trait in all, we are selfish. Every single one of us have been customed to protect ourselves from the evil of the world. Doing so has caused us to be selfish, to stand back and to hold your hand out to help. 

I want to change that. Not the whole world, just mine. To change me, to put my hand out to help even if it gets slapped away.  I want to be the one to show people, or at least one person that there is still good in the world, to never give up looking.