Dating

I’m back in the game. 

Well.. not quite. I’m trying to meet guys, go on dates. Get my mind of things. So just to keep you updated, I’ve already met up with 3 guys. 

Guy 1 was a total disaster, the date was awkward and we haven’t spoke since. 

Guy 2 is the sweet guy that I’ve decided to be my friend.. with benefits. 

Now before you think anything, I’m not going to fuck anyone else. I understand the dates I’m going on are going to eventually lead to them wanting sex, however even though I’m not committed to guy 2, I don’t feel comfortable having sex with so many random guys at the same time. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I’m not ready for that. 

Guy 3 I met him yesterday, we got on really well, we laughed a lot, we had a good connecting. He was a little strange but not in a creepy way of course. We got to know each other more. Now, I wasn’t so much attracted to him, we kissed and there was no spark, no excitement. Nothing. It was just me a dead girl walking allowing this guy to kiss me. 

I’m starting to wonder if it’s them or me. Actually no I don’t wonder. It is me. I’m just not interested. I don’t feel nothing towards anyone. I just feel so numb. Worthless. Just floating with no meaning. No existence. Nothing. 

Tinder

I was against tinder at first .. but one boring day I thought .. why not ! Let’s have a laugh. So I downloaded it , signed up and started swiping.  What I found was interesting really, firstly suprised that I got so many matches haha. Generally suprised that so many people use tinder.  We all no that it’s about the looks, nothing more. So its basically about sex. Well at least all the guys I  liked that’s all they were interested in. So of I went .. swiping away ,mainly to the left but a few lucky ones to the right ;). Before I knew it I got a message ! I panicked .. I didn’t really expect this.. only done it for a laugh. But I replied , basic conversation,  then another pops up .. and another and so on.
You get the ones that have a basic conversation with you and that’s it never speak again.
Then there is the ones that just start talking about sex ! Which is very awkward when you don’t no how to reply.
The other ones play it all nice  , get your WhatsApp start talking to you being friendly and fun but cheeky and the same time .. slowly easing into the sex talk.
Don’t forget the ones that want to ‘marry you’ because you have a British passport. (No lie )
The worse bit is when they ask to meet you. Great ! They expect me to come and have sex with them, inviting me to there house to stay .. I’m not all for that. So here I am, talking to these guys, trying to avoid meeting them as long as possible so I don’t have to have sex with them all ! How can you meet up with 5 different guys to go have sex with them … I don’t think so. I will go on a date with them but I have not been offered a date yet .. still waiting for my moment.
I guess you could meet some decent guys .. maybe. If you’re lucky haha. I think I will keep my tinders as friends.